Complete Stupidity 01

David was bored. Very bored. So incredibly bored in fact, that he was currently bouncing around headbanging in his tiny one room apartment, blasting Rammstein loud enough that people 3 rooms over could clearly make out the words, not to mention him screaming along with it.

This was in fact, nothing new.

So when he was blown away by Tommy, no one was surprised. Or even cared all that much.

Except for Jana, who happened to be David's sister.

No one else cared though.

So one day Andy came down the street and walked into Taco Bell, slapped down a twenty and became president. Amazing. but then, you won't guess what happened next. Unless you care to try? Go ahead. Have fun. Try. You won't get it.

Okay, fine. You suck at guessing. So just stop it.

SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.


Shortly after being elected President, good ol Captain Whatshisface goes in to buy hisself a taco. Being the curious little bugger he is, he inquires as to what's inside the tacos.
"DOG MEAT," the greasy teenager behind the counter wheezed. And FDR proceeded to lose his lunch.

Outside, the last of the unicorns had just been run over by a car driven by the last of the Mohicans, who was then eaten by a bear. A flying bear.

...Who was in no way related to the secret underground world of the Russian mafia.


Meanwhile, in the secret underground world of the Russian mafia...

Deep within the Russian underworld, the Russian Mafia was busily setting up the money making scheme of the century! They fill a room with 20 years supply of cheetos and coke, lock twenty geeks in there with charachter sheets, with webacams (available only for a nominal fee!) to watch the action! The horror!

But the Russian mafia didn't realize that the geeks were actually pirate ninjas in disguise. Once they turn away the pirate ninjas stormed out and pulled out there chuck-chucks and start wailing upon the mafia. The mafia leader escaped so the ninjas continue their quest to stop the evil mafia.

Of course, we can't leave Tommy out of the action, for he knew the secret of the Ninja Pirate's power! So on he goes, accidentlally killing The Evil Mafia Dude on his way, and after many years toil and labor, he stands over the Giant Egg of Power for Pirates and Ninjas! He shoulders his .12 gauge double barrel shotgun and pulls the trigger, sending a deadly hail of d00000000000000000000000000000000000000m upon the Fragile Source of Power!

Hooray For Capitalization of First Letters W00t!

But sadly Tommy was dead wrong and mistaken and blew off his own foot instead, while the Egg hatched into the Source of all EVIL...


THE LAWYER!!!!
BUt just as the lawyer hatched, another creature far more dangerous and deadly was created down in Antarctica...

CALLED THE ROAST BEEF!!!!

It terroized millions and that's about all that's so far it known about it.

'fore all that fun stuff could happen though, The Narrator Who Started Things hit the pause button.

"Remember kiddies, if you get scared easily, close your eyes! Oh, and this is going much better than I expected!"

With that, he hits "Play" again, just in time to see...

THe roast beef eat the Lawyer!!!!!

YEAH!!!! screams Jack as she has been hunting the Ultimate Source of Lawyers' Evil Power! "IT JUST PWNED YOU!"

Suddenly!

...

...

...

The roast beef ate Jack and one of the memeber in the auidence while one of the Narrotors who cant spell had and break down and the selling gawt weres

TURKEY EATS ROAST BEEF!!!

Deep in the heart of Alaska, a talanted team of scientists were hard at work on a new power source that would end all world hun-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM-ger...

...at least, ther WAS a talanted group of scientists...

Anyways, in some far off corner of the world, a young lad named Jimmy-bob was dragged unwillingly onto stage at a carnival by a pair of clowns. He quickly broke free, pied them both, then knocked them out before calmly walking away.

Of course, then he ran back and kicked them both a lot more, because, let's face it, everyone hates clowns... execpt those who don't hate clowns.

Mean while in a small little town, in a smalle little cornor of the world, live a buch of random small people. One of the was name Little Elly who injoyed the little pleasers of life like the reast the little of family she had. But there was one thing different about Little Elly... Little Elly often got into BIG trouble... So...

"You must go, daughter." said her father.

"You must go, daughter." said her mother.

"The house cannot blow up again! The we are indebted to the whole town after the last eight!" said they together. So they gave her a couple hundred bucks and sent her on way through the world, where she got into ever increasing amounts of trouble, even, at one point, lighting the presents shirt on fire! Oh! Well that increased ratings so much that FOX decided to hire her for reality shows to make things more intersting, which she's done in increasingly expensive and impressive ways ever since, but since she's also bringing in more money than Fox has seen in 30 years, she's no longer in trouble!

Oh course, there's also Tandy. Tandy was a sweet lass, though odd. Odd in the fact that she had an odd penchant for explosives, and a frightening proficiency with weapons. Which her father promoted. Her mother gave up trying to make her a mother's daughter when she walked in on her lecturing her then boyfriend on the proper way to clean a pistol.

So when she received the invite to enter the Tournament, what else could she do? Gathering her weapons (including the new grenade launcher her dad got her for her 20th birthday), she headed forth to kick butt! She did so well in fact that...

They elected her queen of their quant rather large island floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and gave her riches beyond her wildest desire. Though in fact no one really knew who "THEY" were.

THEY were the sect behind the Taco Bell Chihuaha's fading power. Telemetric Hat Eating Yuppies. Phear!
Who always enjoyed the company of the beautiful one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters.
"Hey that's cheating!"

Whether cheating or not, it doesn't change the fact that Andy paid $1543.44 for prom, only to have his gf dump him the night before to go with Brock the Jock. Poor Andy, went on a homicidal rage! He ate 3 of the purple people eaters before Tanya Harding came in and beat him senseless.

In turn she was beat senseless by Nancy Karigan and Scott Botono. WTF? Where'd all these ice skaters come from?

They young people came from fairy land...

"Hey don't look at me like that I didn't write this."

So anyways...

when the monk came through singing, no one paid him much notice. Until they realised what he was saying. Through much conflict and many deeds I'm un proud of, I have FOUND what it was the monk was singing, and bring it before you now to consider:

I am cow, hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese and butters
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo (moo)

I am cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh, the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am cow, I am cow, Ive got gas

I am cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From b.c. to newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow!

Apparntly, the monk should be eaten.

Suddenly the monk gets pied

"I eat green grass and I moo all day..."
"I'm a cow... moo."
"I'm a cow... moo."

"Mrow wraow?"

And so it was, on the second day of the third month, of the 24th year of the 800th cycle (a cycle last 25) that the Felinids (cat people) came over the mountain, saw a rich bountiful land full of cows, and fell upon them, and there was much feasting and rejoicing, for they had arrived at the land promised them by the Avatar of their God, The Avatar Trianth, Warrior and Leader of the Peoples, Avatar of Life for Toa, Lord of Sun.

Then from the heavens decended the two great slices of toast. The toast slices had come to aid the cows, who were actually more monks who had, by singing the cow song, accidently transformed themselves into cows.

And 'lo! The battle was fierce, with the felenids bringing forth fearsome weapons, and the toast, well, crumbing all over them, when suddenly, a young Felenid, who's name shall never be forgotten... except for right now, discovered that his knife was the ultimate weapon! When covered with a Cow weapon known as "Butter" and slashed across a slice of toast, it's golden crispiness softened into edible crunch, which both sides could share, and there was peace in the land, and much feasting, as cow and Felenid did eat the toast, and it was good.

But then, It hit them. All of the cows and felenids that had partaken in the devouring of the toast, were all THIRSTY!!!!! So instead of doing the smart thing and drinking all the avaliable milk, they decided to take a great pigrilmage to the great fountian of Ginger Ale. To drink cans of sprite, from the vender who sells sprite, right next to the fountian of Ginger Ale...and so the Pilgirmage began, lead by Trianth, Felenid Avatar of Light, and Mozila, Avatar of Life of the Cow-Monks.

But then, DUN DUN DUN! five snow ninjas jumped out of a volcano and attacked Trianth and Mozila with deadly speed and accuracy. Gasp! they were surounded and traped oh what can they do?

At that exact moment in time, both gods did come down, and they did Smite the ninjas, and it was frightnening, the power, as the ninjas were smited. The Avatars' faith renewed, as well as that of the peoples, gave strength the Avatars and gods, and so, now stronger, they continued...

Rex...

REX!!!!


It LIVES!!!!

And then...

They came upon Rex, but since Rex was a great oak tree, no one noticed him, and all continued on...